On the days my glass is ‘half-full” I go away and I doubt God. And when I can’t doubt God, I doubt myself. And depending on my mood, I can stay in this zone for an hour, a day, a week and lose myself completely in this spiral. Examining: “How did I let myself down?” “Where did I not take the road less traveled?” “How can I transform my life?”
Or I try to create movement by telling myself: “If I am responsible for the quality of my life, and I don’t like the life that I am living, then it is up to me. There is no one else out there who is going to make the changes, make different choices, to make it a life worth living. It’s my life.”
And then I start to feel the pressure build inside, trying to make things happen. And I dig myself deeper into the pit. And nothing changes.
On the days that my glass is half-full, what I am aware of is … nothing. There is nothing happening in my mind. I am simply in allowance. I take each moment as it comes. I find each moment as precious as the next. I’m not even aware of taking each moment. I simply am IN each moment. I’ve given myself to that moment, and I move on to the next moment. And those days just flow by.
Life fills me up to over-flowing — there is no glass half-full or a glass half-empty, it is FULL all the way up, and overflowing. There is nothing more in life beyond that experience. There is no “Thing” that fills me up, there is no action I can take, no job, no relationship, no possession or house that I could live in that would be more fulfilling – than to live in myself and be present.