An ex-partner once said to me that I had what it took (whatever THAT means) to have been wildly successful, and rich — the brilliance, creativity, etc.  Then he followed up with:  “So why aren’t you?” I was offended, not complimented – it was as if I had failed in my life according to his standard.

I was shocked by his observation because I’ve never been ambitious in that way. Maybe it is Soul-ular, or maybe it was because I was so crazy I was driven inward — always striving, seeking, ambitious to find/experience God.

The life of the ‘have not’.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that ALL seekers on a spiritual path encounter ‘have not’ in the money-realm. Witness Jesus, Buddha, etc. It really is harder for a rich man to get to heaven than for a camel to fit through the eye of the needle.

What need of God would we have if all of our needs were met without effort in some way? (Not that it has to be ‘hard’, I don’t necessarily believe that — but there is something about being satiated that diminishes our desire to seek.)

Somehow the tension necessary for me to find/create a way to sustain myself keeps me on the edge within, an edge that leads me to search for more than survival, to desire my own Source.