For many years I gave myself away, over and over and over. Despite numerous heartbreaks, grief and loss, I would replay the play (with different players). Eventually I came to a deep realization of how I have always loved ‘him’ more than myself. There was always that place within — when push came to shove — that I would shove myself aside, and put ‘him’ first.
Until I couldn’t any more. There was no decision not to — I, the Spirit within, simply was done. I can’t go back, even if I wanted to — that place inside has disappeared.
I don’t know that human beings know how to be in partnerships – regardless of childhood history. For me it isn’t learned behavior, or about finding the ‘best’ partner, or ‘timing’, or even possessing great communication skills — we can always get that out of a book (especially if we are bright and great actors).
Being in Love is learning to live from the heart, something that can’t be taught except by the Inner Teacher. I don’t believe modeling amounts to a hill of beans in this realm, you can learn the steps and lack the music.
The music for me is the desire to love myself and in that discovery loving others flows outwards, and thus I find endless ways to experience my Self. Taking this on faith; I have the strains of music within, the desire to dance, and curiosity to see how the adventure will unfold.